Sometimes you just feel empty, lonely, insignificant. And it doesn’t matter what you do, no it doesn’t matter how many laps you run, musicals you join, classes you skip or how many pairs of shoes you buy - you still feel like crap. Sometimes i just feel like taking off, selling everything I own and running away to somewhere so distant, running away into the unknown.
People say life is a struggle. Some believe it is something to cherish & value, while others see it as being altogether pointless. Day in and day out we come into contact with choices; decisions to be made. To be wrong, or to be right. To be a succeed or fail. Sometimes it’s a matter of common sense, sometimes it’s a matter of guessing or taking a chance. But most of the time, it’s a matter of working hard and striving to do what you know is right. Though we effortlessly make mistakes, we never cease to prevail in the end, learning a life-long lesson as a result . Which in time will surely be seen as something positive. What doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. Every struggle betters us as a person. Without all we’ve been through, we wouldn’t be who we are today. When you’ve hit rock bottom, keep in mind that the only way to go is up.
Someone once told me that you have to choose What you win or lose You can’t have everything Don’t you take chances You might feel the pain Don’t you love in vain ’cause love won’t set you free I can’t stand by the side And watch this life pass me by So unhappy But safe as could be.
So what if it hurts me? So what it I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge, My feet run out of ground I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound Don’t care about all the pain in front of me I just trying to be happy
Holding on tightly Just can’t let go Just trying to play my role Slowly disappear But all these days They feel like they’re they’re same Just different faces Different place Get me out of here
It’s easiest when I don’t see him, I won’t deny that. but I just want to be able to see him without it hurting. I don’t want him out of my life forever. I don’t want to forget about him. I don’t want him to forget me. I really, really don’t.
I AM -  anorexic [ ] ednos [ ] bulimic [ ] living off diet pills [x ] hungry [ ] thirsty  drinking something [x] Under 100lbs [ ] starving yourself  participating in a fast
PEOPLE - [ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic [ ] call me fat [x] say I’m skinny [ ] say I’m ugly [x] say I’m pretty  spread rumors about me [ ] force me to eat [ ] say I eat too much  wish I’d eat more  don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic
I WISH -  I was THIN I had a better body  I didn’t have to eat  I could control myself  I was under 110lbs  I could avoid food  I could hide what I am  I wasn’t fat  I was pretty  I could stop being ana/mia
I LOVE - [ ] feeling hungry  seeing a difference when fasting [ ] shaking [ ] being weak  losing weight [ ] being anorexic/bulimic  green tea [ ] diet pills  being able to turn down food [x] feeling good about myself
APPEARANCE [x] I am shorter than 5’4. [ ] I think I’m ugly sometimes. [ ] I have many scars. [ ] I tan easily. [ ] I wish my hair was a different color. [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. [x] I have a tattoo. [ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance. [ ] I have/had braces. [ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free. [x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. [x] I have more than 2 piercings. [x] I have piercings in places besides my ears. [ ] I have freckles.
FAMILY [x] I’ve sworn at my parents. [ ] I’ve run away from home. [ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house. [ ] My biological parents are together. [ ] I have a sibling less than one year old. [x] I want to have kids someday. [ ] I’ve had children. [ ] I’ve lost a child.
EMBARRASSMENT [x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. [x] Disney movies still make me cry. [ ] I’ve peed from laughing. [x] I’ve snorted while laughing. [x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. [ ] I’ve glued my hand to something [ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose. [ ] I’ve had my trousers rip in public.
RELATIONSHIPS [x] I’m single [ ] I’m in a relationship. [ ] I’m engaged. [ ] I’m married. [ ] I’ve gone on a blind date. [ ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper. [x] I miss someone right now. [x] I have a fear of abandonment. [ ] I’ve cheated in a relationship. [ ] I’ve gotten divorced [x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. [ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. [x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. [ ] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
SEXUALITY [ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex. [ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher. [x] I am a cuddler. [x] I’ve been kissed in the rain. [x] I’ve hugged a stranger. [ ] I have kissed a stranger.
HONESTY [x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t [x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. [ ] I’ve snuck out of my house. [ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am. [x] I am keeping a secret from the world. [ ] I’ve cheated while playing a game. [x] I’ve cheated on a test. [ ] I’ve been suspended from school.
BAD TIMES [ ] I’ve consumed alcohol. [ ] I regularly drink. [ ] I can’t swallow pills. [ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem [ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. [x] I shut others out when I’m upset. [ ] I take anti-depressants. [ ] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS. [x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it. [ ] I’ve hurt myself on purpose. [ ] I’m addicted to self harm. [x] I’ve woken up crying
[ ] I’ve lost weight [ ] I’ve gained weight [ ] My weight holds me back [ ] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest [ ] I’m at my biggest [ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off [ ] I’ve lost weight but gained it back [ ] My weight affects my mood [ ] I weigh myself daily
[ ] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me [x] I thrive on compliments [ ] I feel bigger than people who are my size [ ] I feel happy when I’m hungry [ ] I get depressed after I eat [ ] I’ve skipped a meal [ ] I’ve thrown food away [ ] I’ve spit food out [ ] I’ve fasted [ ] I’ve taken diet pills [ ] I’ve used laxatives [ ] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise [ ] I exercise so I can eat [ ] I work out secretly [ ] I work out daily [ ] I exercise to counteract eating [ ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion
Depending on people whats the use!? all my life I’ve only depened on myself to always get what I want! its kinda sad when you think you have a true friend in someone that you feel you can depend on them,then they just let you down in the end which is why I’m reminded to only depend on myself and no one else!..guess I’m just venting on something that happend to my today with a friend but oh well my lesson has been learned!
Whatever it is you’re going through, just know that it’s all a part of some bigger plan for you. Never feel that your universe is basically being sucked into a blackhole, just enjoy the beauty that is around you. Whether or not you see it, it’s there. Sometimes our own desires obstruct our vision…